My very good friend Barnum Flowers and what a delight to see him again, he insisted we meet up and enjoy the comforts of the old pavilion. I gathered from his tone all was not well.
Even this place depresses me, said Barnum surveying the few diners.
Oh dear, I thought.
Barnum had already ordered a snack for me and himself when he arranged the reservation.
I fed my belly with hard bread and something purple and chewy. Barnum said it resembled bear meat then took a swig at his favourite tipple, a Krupnik Lithuania cocktail.
His whispered nazdarovya seemed subdued and was nothing like our last meeting here in April 2009. He would toast everyone, with his cry you come to my circus, you see my human oddity acts, yes? Diners would smile ever so politely, in that very British way, and retreat into themselves, hurrying their meals.
You don’t seem yourself, Barnum.
He sat back in the dining chair, took the cotton napkin stuffed around his collar and scrunched it upon the table. His bony hand squeezed it, he took in a breath and let out such a weary sign.
A rather posh elderly lady with tall hair turned around and peered in his direction through half moon spectacles.
Barnum spoke in all but a whisper. Mr Harker, you are so perceptive.
A wry smile crossed those angular stern features.
Ah yes, things are not what they used to be anymore. Such changing times, so much is changing.
He leant forward releasing the napkin and pointed upon the table.
You know this health and safety organisation they are like an infestation. Bah! He pronounced.
Barnum noticed the lady peering at him through the spectacles. He bade her a greeting in his mother tongue; she didn’t show any response but after a moment returned to her meal. Barnum seemed to whisper something into his lapel.
You know Jonathan, of my escapologist. The amazing Houdini from Bolton? He leant back.
I nodded to acknowledge I did.
Well, Houdini I tell him, stop getting carried away with the moment, too many risks.
Barnum leant towards me.
The man is an imbecile. I tell him stop taking unnecessary risks.
Barnum sniffed up.
Maybe some snuff he said, Yes?
Not for me Barnum, it’s a bit too fiery for my nostrils.
Barnum eyes dropped.
He tells the ladies, how you say lob the key misses, chuck it away, I’ll not need it. Or, or he’ll say, yes that’s right, really tight, you want to cut off the circulation, go ahead.
Barnum was getting caught up with the scene and rather loudly announced - you want 44 piranha fish in with me, let’s do it!
Barnum realized everyone was looking at him. He smiled and bowed, returning to our moment.
Jonathan, every night we are wheeling him off in an embarrassing silence, he’s failed to get free. No one can find the keys, they’ve been lobbed and he’s cut to ribbons from the fish.
Barnum sat back again chewing on another issue, his face thoughtful.
Strongboli, he announced. Tut, tut, tut. Claims he can lift a fully grown male elephant.
I looked at Barnum not knowing whether to laugh or be shocked at the very claim.
Oh yes Jonathan, behind my back it had been arranged with a local zoo. The man is an idiot.
Never! I said, what on earth has happened, Barnum?
He’s in traction, rushed to accident and emergency.
Just then I noticed that the woman with tall hair was focusing her sights through those half moon spectacles at the creature making its way towards her, no other than Jo-Jo in full make-up, Barnum’s maniac clown.
Oh Gawd! I thought now here’s trouble.